The Ego of Sex


We started talking about sex about a month ago, and since then we've covered how to truly be brave about sex, the confusion surrounding the "what, why, hows" of sex, and finally we provided some tips for setting sexual boundaries. Today, we want to dial back and consider the intentions that drive the pursuit of sex.


We recently heard the classic and hyperbole-driven “I hooked up last night” story from a friend. There was bravado, gamesmanship, and downright macho-ism in full effect. The story danced the line between fable and truth, and you could never really tell which was which. While a bit comedic, this made us think about how sex affects our sense of self.

Let’s face it -- sex feeds the ego. We feel important; our self-esteem gets a power boost. And sex can truly be healthy and good in the right situation. But what if it’s purely for physical pleasure-seeking, in the hook-up vein, or to elevate ourselves? Here are a few ways we’ve seen these intentions inappropriately feeding our ego:

ego and intentions

In short, this ego power-up is momentary, fleeting, and even harmful. Is this worth the emotional and physical risk of sex? Does our sense of self match reality? After all, Mr. or Ms. “I scored last night” is more sad than hero. And the aftermath of chasing status, power, or pride isn’t pretty, however subtle these forces may seem.

Maybe it’s time we check our intentions before chasing the hook-up.